Grief and the Fried Egg

Death and dying is a topic that most people will shy away from as its scary, sad and very final. Because it is a taboo subject when it does happen to us we don’t know how to react or feel and clients often tell me how they SHOULD feel and react. But is there a right way to manage death and grieve?

Facing the loss of someone is a very personal experience and so is the way we grieve. There is no rule book, and you will move through your feelings at your pace and that is OK. Ok to feel the sadness, OK when sometimes you feel happy, OK to go out with friends or OK to stay in. Allow yourself to be mindful of your emotions, how they feel and give yourself compassion and space.

Then there are those Fried Egg moments! Picture in your mind a fried egg with the yolk in the centre and the white surrounding it. The yolk is the love and memories you share and treasure about the person who has died and the white is your everyday life.

There will be times when you smell, see, hear, taste or touch something that will evoke a memory of that person and when this happens the yolk gets bigger and can totally overtake the white. It can stop you in your tracks and feel very big and overwhelming. This is our minds way of letting us know that the person is still in out heart and they haven’t been forgotten. It allows us to feel close to the person as our memory guides that journey.

It allows us to remember, have that lovely moment, and then the yolk and white go back to their normal size and we go about our day. In these moments do whatever feels right for you. It might be tears that flow or laughing out loud or having a quiet moment to pause and reflect. I have lost people very close and special to me, and I have these fried egg moments often and I treasure them when they come.

Sharon