New Year’s Resolutions — Why Do We Do This to Ourselves?

When the clock strikes midnight on 31 December, many of us feel an immediate pressure to become a whole new person. A new year can certainly offer a sense of fresh start — but for many, it also brings anxiety, unrealistic expectations, and self-criticism.

We often expect motivation to magically appear on 1 January. But motivation isn’t a switch we can turn on. It ebbs and flows — and sometimes it’s hard to find at all. In most cases, the problem isn’t the goals themselves, but the weight and pressure we attach to them.

Let’s explore why New Year’s resolutions can feel overwhelming — and how to set intentions that support your wellbeing rather than test it.

Why We Create Resolutions in the First Place

From a counselling perspective, humans are naturally wired to grow, learn, and evolve. This is often described as self-actualisation — the inner drive to become the best version of ourselves.

Resolutions give shape to that desire. They invite us to reflect and ask:

• “Who am I becoming?”

• “What truly matters to me?”

• “What might my life look like with small, compassionate changes?”

Even when we don’t achieve every goal, the simple act of imagining something better can be therapeutic and meaningful.

The “Fresh Start” Effect

The New Year offers a psychological clean slate. Closing one chapter and opening another can feel powerful. Moments that mark new beginnings naturally boost motivation and help us feel more open to change.

That date on the calendar can bring:

• a symbolic reset

• permission to try again

• a sense that the past can be left behind

But real change doesn’t happen because the date changes.

Change happens when you are ready — emotionally, mentally, and practically.

When we expect ourselves to fix everything at once, we can easily fall into:

• all-or-nothing thinking

• shame when motivation dips

• burnout before February arrives

When Resolutions Come From Self-Criticism

Many resolutions begin from a place of “I’m not good enough” — not disciplined enough, not fit enough, not productive enough.

When goals are rooted in self-criticism, they quickly become punishing.

Self-compassion, however, allows space for growth without harsh judgement — yet it is often much easier to offer compassion to others than to ourselves.

A compassionate mindset sounds more like:

• “I’d like to feel stronger in my body.”

• “I want more balance in my day.”

• “I’m curious about improving my habits.”

Try gently asking yourself:

• “What feeling am I hoping this goal will bring me?”

• “Is this goal truly mine, or am I responding to outside expectations?”

Curiosity creates room for kindness — and for realistic change.

Setting Intentions Instead of Resolutions

Intentions can feel lighter, more flexible, and more emotionally grounded than strict goals.

Examples might be:

• “I intend to take better care of my mental health.”

• “I intend to notice what makes me feel happy and energised.”

• “I intend to create more balance in my week.”

Intentions invite growth without pressure. Small, compassionate steps help build confidence rather than overwhelm.

You are allowed to move at your own pace. As the saying goes — Rome wasn’t built in a day. Offer yourself the same compassion you would naturally extend to others.

A Kind Closing Thought

Placing ourselves under pressure with New Year’s resolutions is incredibly common — and incredibly human. You do not need a perfect plan, a flawless January, or a complete life overhaul to create meaningful change.

Whether you:

• set a resolution

• choose an intention

• or simply turn the page into a new year

—I hope January offers you gentleness, steadiness, and whatever you most need right now.

Take care of you,

Sharon