Couples Therapy — What Really Goes On

Have you had a realisation that you just aren’t as happy or fulfilled in your relationship as you used to be?

Life has a way of taking over — careers, children, caring for elderly parents, menopause, or not having family nearby can all mean that your relationship takes a back seat.

Couples therapy or relationship counselling doesn’t always mean that you or your relationship is in crisis. Sometimes, it’s about wanting to make things stronger and richer — preventing problems before they arise.

It can also be helpful if you’ve already decided to end your relationship but want to move forward in a calmer, more respectful way, especially if you’ll be co-parenting. Working with a qualified couples therapist can help you communicate and separate with understanding rather than conflict. Starting the Conversation

The first and often hardest step is having an honest conversation with your partner about how you’re feeling.

For some people, therapy for couples is a firm “no” — the idea of talking about feelings, especially with someone new, can feel daunting.

A gentle way to start can be reaching out to a relationship counsellor together for a short phone discussion. Talking about what’s been going on and what each of you needs can be an easy way to take baby steps before the big leap.

It’s also helpful to let the counsellor know if either (or both) of you feels apprehensive — that way, everyone is on the same page and can go gently into the process.

How I Work

When working with me as your couples therapist, sessions are usually weekly for the first six weeks, after which we’ll reassess. Sometimes couples move to fortnightly sessions, or you may decide you’ve reached a natural pause sooner — and that’s perfectly fine.

If you choose to end earlier, I do recommend having a final “ending” session to reflect and bring things to a natural close.

Your first session (90 minutes) will focus on your Relationship Life Story:

• How and when you met, and how that felt

• What life has been like since

• Whether you have children

• What’s currently happening between you

• What’s important to each of you

• What outcomes or relationship goals you’d like to work towards

The following week, I’ll meet with each of you for an individual session (60 minutes). This allows me to understand your individual experiences, backgrounds, and how your past may influence your communication and behaviour today.

This isn’t about keeping secrets from your partner — we’ll agree in the first session to be open and transparent throughout the counselling journey.

However, it is a space where you can share things you might find hard to express directly, and I can help you find ways to communicate them safely and respectfully.

Transparency and Trust

Transparency is key in couples counselling. If one of you emails or texts me between sessions, I’ll bring it into our next meeting so that everyone stays informed and trust is maintained.

It’s also important to keep the work we do within the therapy space. Talking too much about sessions with others — even well-meaning friends or family — can blur boundaries and introduce outside opinions that may not help your relationship.

This can be especially challenging if, for example, you’re close to a parent and tend to share everything with them. Keeping the work within the therapy room helps protect trust and fosters genuine progress between you both.

What We’ll Focus On

Communication is the foundation of every healthy relationship. Together, we’ll explore:

• How you communicate and listen to one another

• What you each need and how to express it clearly

• How your love languages might be affecting your connection

We’ll also talk about intimacy in relationships, as it plays a significant role in emotional closeness. This can sometimes feel uncomfortable, but we’ll move at your pace and only discuss what feels right for you.

Between Sessions — The “Homework”

I know — homework might sound off-putting!

But think of it like physiotherapy for your relationship. If you broke your leg, you’d need physio to help you walk again. The same principle applies here — growth and change take practice.

I’ll offer gentle exercises or reflections for you to work on between sessions, helping you put new insights into action and strengthen your connection at home.

Common Worries

You might be thinking, “This could open a can of worms — am I really ready for that?”

And yes, it might bring up difficult feelings. But relationship therapy offers a safe place to explore those “worms” together, understand where they come from, and decide how you want to move forward.

I can’t promise to wave a magic wand and fix your relationship — no therapist can — but I can help you unpack what’s really going on and guide you toward the next chapter of your story, whatever that may look like for you both.

Final Thoughts

Couples therapy is about communication, understanding, and reconnection. Whether you choose to rebuild your relationship or part ways more peacefully, this process can help you both gain clarity, compassion, and confidence in your next steps.

If you’re ready to explore relationship counselling in Hertfordshire I’d be happy to have an initial conversation to see how we might work together.

Take care of each other,

Sharon