September is all about change…

September always feels like a month of change for me. The summer is coming to an end, nights are drawing in, and the leaves are starting to turn. Strictly is about to start — and that always signals, for me, the run-up to the end of the year and the “Christmas” word.

Back to school transitions can mean many different things to parents and children. There’s the apprehension (or excitement) of seeing friends they haven’t seen for six weeks, getting back into a routine, early mornings, homework, packed lunches and after-school activities. For parents, it can be thank goodness, I’m going to miss you, or a little of both.

Starting school for the first time brings its own set of emotions — the anxious feelings of parents and children who are maybe, as my own children once said, “nervacited” (nervous and excited) to be starting school. The transition to secondary school can also feel huge, with many children not knowing anyone when they start and facing new routines to hopefully embrace. Being the little fish in the big pond can be very daunting.

As a therapist, I often talk to parents and children about coping with transitions. Here are some gentle ways to help each other:

• Listen to how they are feeling before and after the big day — and in the days that follow.

• Share about your own day first; it might encourage them to open up about theirs.

• Introduce routines gradually rather than all at once.

• Remind them that they aren’t alone and that many of their classmates are probably feeling the same way inside.

• Share your own feelings — sometimes hearing that you felt nervous too that morning can be reassuring.

• Draw a little heart on your hand and theirs — they can touch it to feel close and connected to you.

• Be proud of each other, and take it one day at a time.

The big change for me this year is very personal: my youngest going off to university and my eldest just starting their travels. The empty nest is becoming very real — and I feel like I need it filled with feathers for a little longer. As hard as this feeling is, I know they have to fly, and sometimes even stumble, to grow into the wonderful adults they are becoming.

This means new routines for me too: cooking smaller meals, less washing (not a bad thing 😉), and planning for two instead of four. I know my grocery shop next week will be emotional, as I’ll pick up things I usually buy for them — but don’t need to anymore. The upside is I’m sure they’ll be back with dirty washing and hopefully plenty of stories about their adventures. I’ll hold onto that when I’m feeling a little sad cooking my roast for two at the weekend.

I also think about my own parents, who had both of their children living overseas, and I understand more now about how they must have felt — and why it was so important to keep those connections as often as we could. Always wanting the best for us, but still finding it hard to let go, just as it is on a child’s first days at school.

I’m realising that our jobs as parents or caregivers never really stop, no matter how old our children get — it just looks a little different as they, and we, grow older. Transitions and change are always around us, but how we face them — and how we support one another through them — makes all the difference.